Secret Druid Vulnerability

In a previous blog entry (Sam Hain), I made a comment in a footnote about Wiccans being melted by salt, as evidenced on film. I was taken to task by several witches’ covens, whose members were all extremely irate that I had “revealed their secret vulnerability.” [1]

Well, Excuse Me. As far as I’m concerned, that’s like vampires whining that I spilled the beans about a wooden stake through the heart. Doh.

However, they do have a valid point. Given the American public attention span of roughly thirty seconds, most Americans don’t actually know how to kill a vampire or melt a witch — not even after a week-long Wes Craven filmfest. And bringing up the subject was like posting an article on how to set fire to a cat, which would undoubtedly result in a rash of flaming felines throughout the nation. In short — it wasn’t very responsible of me.

I can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, but I can at least be even-handed about having squeezed it out all over the sink. So I’m about to reveal the secret vulnerability of Druids (who are completely immune to salt.) It’s a little embarrassing to talk about, but justice demands this. So here it is.

Druids are vulnerable to … Romans.

There. I’ve said it. It’s out in the open. Now you know.

If you ever have trouble with a renegade band of Druids in the neighborhood, just call in a Roman legion or two. Oh, you may have a big fight on your hands, and your neighborhood may get sacked a few times by both sides, but in the end the Romans are sure to win.

Getting rid of the Romans after that can be a problem, of course. Europe was stuck with them for nearly sixteen hundred years.

In case you’re wondering where you can get a Roman legion, nothing could be easier. Just call Little Caesar’s — I understand they deliver.

[1] Everyone thinks Dorothy melted the Wicked Witch of the West with a bucket of water. I have it on good authority — though I must keep the source confidential — that it was a bucket of saltwater.

One comment on “Secret Druid Vulnerability

  1. […] he’ll tell her someday that witches melt if they come into contact with salt. (Oops, there I go, spilling that secret […]

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