On Gay Marriage

I ran across a doozy today. The article is Smug, Wrong, and Stupid on Gay Marriage. The article itself is humdrum, so much so that I never quite grasped the author’s point, but there’s a comment attributed to someone named Bill Baar, which I must quote in its entirety.

It’s rare to see a constructive debate between the sides. I fault the “marriage equality” crowd as my experience is they’re usually the first to call the otherside hateful, phobic, and so on.

I have been unable to get a dialogue on two world views out of my head, so I have to vent it here.

Levitas: …but how can you attribute those particular words to Jesus in the complete absence of any corroborating evidence that he spoke them, or even that he existed?

Gravitas: Now wait a minute. First, there’s plenty of intertextual corroboration that says somebody spoke those words, so why not Jesus? Second, whether they were actually spoken in a historical context isn’t really–

Simplyass: Hi, guys! What’s up?

Gravitas: Oh, hi, Simplyass.

Levitas: Yo. We’re just having a friendly debate about Christianity.

Simplyass: (shudders) Christians make me sick. They’re so … so … unnatural.

Gravitas: There’s nothing unnatural about Christians!

Simplyass: Of course they’re unnatural. No one is born a Christian. They have to be converted.

Levitas: You know, he has a point….

Gravitas: That may be true, but–

Simplyass: It’s that Christian Agenda. They’re out to convert everyone in the country, starting with the children.

Gravitas: No responsible Christian tries to convert children, a person needs to be of the age of consent to–

Simplyass: Children. They’re after the kids. Through the schools. That’s what school prayer is all about. Christians shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children.

Levitas: What if it’s their own children?

Simplyass: (shudders) What a horrible thought! Two … Christians? With kids of their own? Those poor kids. They’ll need therapy for sure. At taxpayer expense, no doubt. It shouldn’t be allowed. Christians should have their kids taken away. If the government was any damn good, it would protect the innocent. But the government has been been bought out. We all know that.

Gravitas: Now wait just one darn–

Simplyass: My boss says the government ought to round up the Christians and put them behind fences. Big tall fences. But I think that’s too little, too late. The government needs to kill them.

Levitas: (weakly) Kill them? For being Christian?

Simplyass: Absolutely. It’s the only compassionate thing to do. They suffer so, you know. All that sin and guilt and “I’m not worthy, Lord.” It drags down all the rest of us, too. It’s what’s brought our great nation to the brink of ruin, you know.

Gravitas: You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you?

Simplyass: (blinks) Are you one of them? You poor thing. You know, I belong to a club that helps people like you find their natural reason again. Why don’t you come to one of our Wednesday evening get-togethers? Good food, good fellowship, and we’ll help you find your way back to Mother Reason.

Gravitas: I have no intention of coming to one of your meetings! There’s nothing wrong with me!

Simplyass: (shrugs) Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. When the government finally wises up and realizes how much damage you’ve all done to the moral fibre of this great nation, they’ll do the right thing. They’ll do the Will of the People. Wouldn’t want to be in your shoes then.

Gravitas: You are the most bigoted, hateful, xenophobic twit I’ve ever met….

I have to fault Gravitas, of course. In my experience, people like him are usually the first to call the other side hateful, phobic, and so on.

2 comments on “On Gay Marriage

  1. Sio says:

    This is awesome

    Like

  2. Mpeak23 says:

    this is brilliant!  Have you considered a stand-up routine?  A La Bill Hicks?

    Like

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